Purdey’s PAWS awards 2014: the results!

Thank you so much to everyone who voted in my PAWS awards 2014!

Voting closed on 21st February, and I’m delighted to say the results are now in.

The awards were presented in a fashionably low-key ceremony which took place at two venues: Ponyo and Angel’s Beverley Hills mansion, and my own private villa in the Cayman Islands.

I’m sure you’re excited to know who the award-winners are! Here is the official announcement….

[drum roll……]

Best Actress:    Purdey, for Skyfall

Best Supporting Actress:    Ponyo in The Exorcist

Best Newcomer:    Angel in The Big Sleep

I would like to thank my producer, my director, the entire cast and crew, the lighting engineers and make-up artists; the gardeners, cameramen and stunt advisors; and my agent (whom I must thank, in case the supply of cheese-flavoured treats dries up).

No bumble bees were harmed in the making of Skyfall, although I should add that I did my best.

Here I am accepting my award…

And here are the photos I have been sent of the award ceremony as it happened in Beverley Hills. It appears there was an unfortunate misunderstanding and only one award was given out, which led to a bout of fisticuffs. Well, really. I had expected better!

Oh, what can I say? I’m speechless. I can only thank everyone who voted for me, and my agent, and my photographer, and my hairdresser, and my chauffeur, and my butler, and my chef, and my…

“Hey, what are you doing? You’re photobombing my speech! Get off!”

“That award should be mine!” “No, it’s mine! Now go away!” “It’s mine! I’m the Best Newcomer! I’m the ONLY Newcomer!”

“Well, that’s it. I’m handing in my Equity card. Excuse me, I’m leaving. Make way, please. I’m sure Purdey got an award, oh, yes. Furriness personified. La-di-dah.”

“…and where was I? Ah, yes, and I want to thank my make-up artist, my dentist, my bodyguard, my manicurist, my stunt double, my great-grandparents who are still alive and having kittens, my Uncle McFluff of McDuff…”

“THIS is what I think about it. It’s a FARCE. I was going to win. That award was MINE!” (Major huff)

Anyway, everything has now been smoothed out, and the proper awards have been given. Peace and fluffiness are restored. I believe that Angel has made a very vocal thank-you speech which is available on YouTube…